June 19, 2016

{30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 19}

What are your biggest regrets?

The first thing that comes to mind is my grandpa. I didn't visit as much as I should have. I saw my grandma all the time but because my grandpa was always working I didn't see him as much as I would have liked to. And near the end I knew it was coming and I still didn't go down there enough. Then again, when I look back, what's enough exactly? Every day? Moving in? I couldn't have spent enough time with him to make it feel like I was OK with losing him. I could have spent every single second of every single day with him and it wouldn't have been enough.

On that same note, not having D go back to the house that night he passed and get Gaige, I regret that more than anything. He should have been there. Close. Because he was on my grandpa's mind. I hate that I thought it'd be OK and there was no reason to go anywhere. I hate that I took that from Gaige and from my grandpa.

Speaking of Gaige, if I could go back to when I found out I was pregnant with him, I don't think I would have told his sperm donor I was even pregnant. I could have easily quit my job, stopped coming around, and no one would have known anything about it. We didn't run with the same people and I didn't come to that town for hardly anything. I could have saved us all the trouble ya know? But I didn't. Because I thought he'd change when he had a kid on the way. I was wrong.


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