January 6, 2015

{What a Random Dream}

Do you ever dream about the most random, off the wall, things and you have no idea how your brain even cooked up that scenario?
I have those dreams all the time. Sometimes I'll dream about people who have passed. Which is weird on its own but I understand why I'm doing it. Then there are dreams like the one I had tonight. I've had them before and I always wake up a little shocked that my mind would even go there.

In tonights dream, D left me. In the dream I am also pregnant. As is this girl he left me for, who is one of the mommy's I watch on YouTube lol. I keep asking him what I'm supposed to tell our kids, what about Gaige? I keep asking. I then go on to tell this girl that he stepped up to be a dad when Gaiges sperm donor took off on us. She tells me he did the same for her kids. In the dream I know who she is, and I ask her what happened to the guy she was seeing because just a few days ago she was posting on Instagram about how he was her soulmate. I never got a response.

At first he's really cold with me. Super mean and unfeeling. And then the next minute he is telling me to stay with them in the trailer we used to live in. He says that he will make a choose but he can't do it right now. She is pissed lol.
I even end up at her baby shower and she ends up at mine. What? Lol
Then in the end he comes into the bedroom and says that we need to talk and I say you're choosing her aren't you? He says yes and I start crying and ask why. Then he says your mom and dad split and they're just fine. Wtf?
But then I'm magically this other girl and I'm asking him why he even let her (me) stay with us. And he is trying to explain to her (me) that he feels bad for how he went about leaving and that he owed it to me.
I woke up feeling completely heartbroken. Like he really had left. I don't know where all of this came from. I am not worried that D will leave me lol. But I've been having cheating/leaving dreams about him since we first started dating. Part of it probably comes from the fact that every guy I've dated has cheated on me at some point. Which is sad.
But now the dreams just aren't about cheating. They're about me trying to figure out why he would do that to me and why he would want someone else. Its so...weird.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that has these dreams.