{Now & Then}

Sometimes when I look at where we are now and where we were a few years ago...it makes me want to cry.

D has worked some shitty jobs for shitty pay and shitty hours over the last 10 years. We have had some pretty rocky moments in our relationship too.

For the longest time we were struggling so much and just couldn't get a break that I honestly thought this was how my life was going to be forever. A constant struggle to keep our heads above water.

Dont get me wrong, we never let the kids go without. Ever. Part of the reason D worked so hard was because we wanted to make a better life for our kids. If that meant working 3rds at ShopKo then he did it.

Up until 2yrs ago I didn't think we would ever get out of that crappy trailer we were living in. I wish I had taken pictures of just how ridiculously horrible that place was becoming. I thought for sure during a storm someday that it was just going to fall apart. And now look at us, we have our own house :).

Something that kind of bothers me though is that because we broke, even though they didn't go without, we couldn't buy Dawn and Gaige all the things that Owen has now. He gets a new toy or candy or something like that pretty much every time we go anywhere. I stop at the gas station on the way to pick him up from school and I usually grab him a slushie. I couldn't do that with the other 2. I didn't have the money to do that ever day. And they only got toys for birthdays and holidays. We sure didn't go down the toy aisle every time we got money and buy them a little toy. But we do that a lot with Owen.

I'm glad we are doing well now but I wish we could have done for the other 2 what we can do now for Owen.

I guess that's just how it works with the baby though right?