July 31, 2015

{ #weightwatchers Fail!}

I am the worst at sticking to things. The worst. I know why its so hard for me but what I don't know is how I let myself get back here. It's almost 2yrs since I started this journey and if I would have just stuck with it in the first place I would be at my goal or close to it by now. What's wrong with me??

I have been tracking. I track every day. My chooses are just...awful. I'm really not trying as hard as I was when I did this the first time and its obvious. I have to make myself want this as much as I used to. I have to get my brain back to that space but its not happening.

I remember when I was first losing weight and others were starting to tell me they could see a difference. My grandpa (whom I miss every single minute of every single damn day) dropped off some things to me and mentioned how proud he was of me for taking control (not in those exact words) and how good he thought I looked. I don't want to disappoint him. And I want to get back to the place I was then.

I really wish my head could just tell my stomach to shut the hell up when it says it hungry any more. Or when I'm going back for my third bowl of chili.

I am such a failure. I make these posts and u make promises to myself but I don't follow through. Ever. I just want the will to change.

*sigh*