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March 25, 2015

{Surgery Date & Feeling Like a Burden}

Went to the appointment with my surgeon today. They took off that awful splint the ER put on my leg and gave me a new one. Which I did not want lol. I wanted them to be like "You're going for surgery today." But no. At least this one doesn't go half way up my thigh. Like what is the point of that? *Sigh* The new one is just under my knee. And let me tell you, when the girl doing the new splint asked me to bend my knee, it hurt almost as bad as putting pressure on my friggin' ankle. It was so stiff. Not fun. She put a bunch of cotton around my leg also to help cushion the ankle. The ER nurse had gotten frustrated and didn't use anything but the thing that gets hard, and ace bandages. Yeah. So there was literally nothing there protecting my ankle. It was just sort of hanging out there.

The doctor said my surgery is scheduled for the 6th of April. Mainly because he will be out of town next week but they are getting me in as soon as possible the week after. I feel like this time is going creep. He also confirmed what the ER doctor said, that I've broken basically every bone I could break in my ankle and I might have ligament damage too but they won't know until they get in there. I am a little freaked out by the whole thing. Like I've said before, I've never had surgery for anything. I've never been put under for anything. I don't like any part of this crap :(.

But at least I have a surgery date now and then the healing begins.

I will be completely honest here and say that I already feel like a complete burden on D. He mentioned today about how he has to go to work at night, come home and take Owen to school, then go get him, then make dinner. I'm not sure what the difference is between me having to do that and him having to do it. He claims he has to do laundry and stuff too but my grandma does the laundry while she's here. So I don't understand what his deal is. But makes me feel like crap. I am pretty lazy. I'll admit that freely. But I've also never been in a position where I physically could not get up do anything but I felt fine. When I threw my back out, I felt like crap too. It wasn't just my back, it took a lot out of me and I wasn't sleeping ya know? But with this break I'm immobile but I feel OK. Like I could get up and get laundry done or get Owen to school. I can't though. I can't do anything but hobble on crutches from the bed, to the recliner, to the bathroom, and back. It's really depressing.

Last night was a new kind of low for me though. D didn't bring my one last pain pill into the bedroom before he left for work so around 3am when it got so bad it was taking my breath away, I had to wake up Owen (who still sleeps with me..don't judge me), and ask him to get the pill bottle from the living room. I felt like such a bad mom for doing that. I couldn't get up to get it though it hurt so much. I was actually crying because of the pain. And those of you that know me well, know that I can take quite a bit of pain before it really starts to effect me. I didn't even cry when I broke my ankle! I just breathed through it like I did when I was in labor. But last night it was just awful. And it was doubled by the fact that I couldn't take care of it myself. I had to have someone else do it for me. Of course Owen went and got it without complaint. Both of my boys (and Dawn but more so the boys) have been so helpful. They both want to help me in any way they can. Owen keeps asking me if I want oranges lol. He thinks that's all I can eat I guess and it's something he can get me without needing any help. I was blessed with such thoughtful boys I tell you what.

I'll just be glad in a few months when this crap is all over and I am done with it. Of course, like I said the time is going to creep because I can't actually do anything. Ugh.

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