{Going Back To Work?}

Since I was a little girl, I have wanted to be a mom. On career day at school, that's what I dressed up as. When anyone asked me what I wanted to be, a mommy was always my answer. I wanted to be home with the babies, doing laundry and making dinners. I wanted to bake cookies and read stories. I wanted to clean and keep a tidy home. I essentially, wanted to be my grandmother.

When I had Gaige I had every intention of being a stay at home mom, it was made abundantly clear to me though that that was not going to happen. So I worked. I hated it. I hated having to leave Gaige with my grandma all the time. I hated that she was raising my kid. I hated that I was always away from him.

So when D and I got together and he was all for me staying home, I thought I had it made. And it wasn't horrible. I handled stuff at home while he went out and made the money. It was a typical 50's household. I was good with that way of living.

All through the years when the kids were little, I was fine with not working. I was fine because I loved to be the one to handle the stuff at home. When Owen came along I loved being able to breastfeed and not worry about pumping (after D and I got back together and I quit my job). I was back to doing what I loved to do. Being a mom.

Fast forward ten years and I am going out of my mind being at this house all day without my kids. Not only without my kids but this place is always a complete disaster area. Kids crap from one end of the house to the other and there's just no getting on top of it. I clean and someone (be it the kids or the husband) comes behind me and drops their crap where ever they see fit. It's infuriating! Not only that, but I hate constantly having to ask my husband for money. I like to go shopping every now and then. I like to hang out with my sister. I want to be able to do that without having to give a run down of where the money is going.

Anyone that has ever had to go through this, knows how annoying it is.

So after talking to my little sister, she convinced me to go ahead and apply for a job. It didn't take much convincing obviously. I'd been attempting to find a job for a year or so. But you try to get a job after being unemployed for ten years. No one wants to hire you. Not to mention we live in a relatively small town, meaning that there aren't many places past Wal-Mart and McDonald's to work.

My sister told me to apply where she works. That they were looking and I could get a job easily there because she already worked there. So I applied. And then on a whim I applied at Dollar General up the street from my house. I figured if the job she said she could get me fell through, I could always work there right? Being a DG employee does not take a whole lot of thought lol.

So I applied.

And to my amazement, the very next day I got an interview. Today at noon I got an email stating that I had gotten the job. Then my sister texts me and says that her boss is looking through applications also and interviewing a few people. I'd much rather work with my sister to be honest so I'm giving them a couple days to get back to me. If they don't, I'm going to go ahead and take the Dollar General job.

I'm aware that this would take me out of the home. That I wouldn't be that stay at home mom I've always wanted to be anymore. But at the same time, every human needs time to themselves. To feel like they're accomplishing something other than telling kids to pick up after themselves. I just want to be something other than a mom now.

Please tell me that's not wrong.


-Kristin