September 23, 2016

{The 2nd Wife}

I recently got into some hot water (I guess) after posting some old family pictures on Facebook. A family member got upset with the pictures when he saw that two (literally just two) included his ex-wife. The offending pictures did not just include his ex-wife (who, by the way, is a woman I grew up around), they also included their child and my grandpa. I did not tag her in the pictures or add her as a contributor to the album (which I did add everyone else in the pictures so that I wouldn't have to mess with approving a ridiculous amount of tags). The family member who was upset by the pictures said that I should think about how his current wife feels when everyone is always bringing up his ex-wife. Personally, I don't mention his ex-wife to his current wife. I have no reason to. I have also never been around anyone who did this, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, just that I've never heard anyone do it.

This all upset me quite a bit. I thought I was doing something nice by sharing pictures no one had seen in a very long time, with all of my family. I could have been a stingy bitch and kept them to myself and no one would have even been the wiser. But I know how much I love old pictures so I wanted to share them. The only person who had a problem with it was this one family member (and I'm guessing his wife).

When I sit down and think about it, I am the same as his current wife. I am the second wife.

For the last 13 years I've listened to people talk about D's exes. His grandma still has pictures of the three of them (D, ex, and Tristen) in her living room.

You know what though? I've never once been upset by someone bringing up one of his exes. Never. I don't get upset when his kids talk about her and I don't get upset seeing pictures of her. I don't get upset when D brings her up.

I don't care about any of that because I'm not 15. I'm 33 years old. I know that D did not just spring to life the minute I met him. He has a past, the same as I do. Those women, they're a part of his past the same way that my exes are a part of mine. We don't have to constantly talk about them, but bringing them up doesn't upset either one of us.

We are both secure in our relationship. We're happy. We're adults.

I'm OK being the second wife. Being his second marriage does not mean I'm any less than his first wife. I'm not more because at one time he cared enough about her to give her his last name, but I'm certainly not less. We have our own memories with each other, our love is different than theirs was.

I'm fine with all of it. In fact, sometimes I like to see glimpses into his past. I wish I would have known him then. He feels the same about seeing old pictures of me. Of course, he's my first marriage and I didn't take pictures with any exes (except Gaiges dad at the hospital) so he doesn't have those to see lol. But I know for a fact he wouldn't be offended should someone tag me in a picture with an ex.

So that's my response to him asking how do I think his wife feels when his ex-wife is brought up. I'm not saying she can't be annoyed that people talk about his ex. Those are her feelings. But for him to jump down my throat because I posted two pictures of her, on my page, is ridiculous.

And because he did this family functions are bound to awkward. So there's that to look forward to. Luckily, I don't go to a lot of family functions.


-Kristin