For fourteen years I have been Dawn's main parent. Although my husband has obviously been here, he has worked the entire time. He left raising the kids up to me. Which is fine. That's what I've always wanted. Or I did anyway. Apparently though, I did it wrong. Or maybe I just don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to raising her? Either way, I have come to a decision this past week, it was a long time coming.
I am no longer going to be the hands on parent.
I am no longer going to be the disciplinarian in the house (when it comes to her).
What is Nacho Parenting? I've got a link for that...
To tell you the truth, I had never heard of this method before. But I am at the point in my life where I need to step back. I need someone else to take the brunt of her attitude and deal with the decisions makes both at home and at school.
D and I have always treated all of our kids as though they are our kids. There was no real his mine and ours (although that's where I got the name for this blog and my YouTube channel), it was just ours.
Unfortunately, this has never been the mindset of Dawn (or Tristen for that matter). She has always been well aware that I am not her bio mother. Maybe because she had someone telling her from the beginning that she doesn't have to listen to me (this actually happened from the jump...not making that shit up!). Maybe because while D and I were separated the first time that she was able to interact with her bio mom and that solidified in her mind that I am not her real mother. I don't know. But no matter why she does not feel like she should have to listen to me, the fact is she does. And that's a problem. A problem that has caused much tension in our home for years.
And I am done.
I first heard about Nacho Parenting in a step-mom Facebook group. And it hit home for me. Hard.
I have got to take a step back from this situation.
I have only been using this method for the last week, but I can actually feel the stress leave my body now. When I come home and realize she hasn't done her chores (or one of them), I don't say anything. I don't let it bother me. I go about my day and when the husband wakes up, I let him deal with it.
When we walked in the door yesterday and I noticed she was in the living room (somewhere she's not actually supposed to be because she's grounded from pretty much everything), I mentioned she knows she's not supposed to be in there, and left it at that.
But I also will not be walked on just because I'm not disciplining anymore. When I discovered she had gotten her DS again, I simply removed it from her room and placed it for sale on Facebook. When I found that she had stolen from my room (again) things she was told she could not have until school starts, I removed them from her room and got rid of them (well, what was mine I didn't get rid of lol). I will not let her get by with stealing from me. But I won't be the one to yell at her or mention it. If her dad wants to do that, he can when he gets up. I'm not stressing myself out about it.
Not only have I stepped back from discipline, but also from other things I feel like are being taken for granted. No longer will I take her shopping with me and buy her name brand clothes, she doesn't appreciate it and she ends up just spitting in my face afterward. No longer will I handle things that have to do with her schooling, I have been told repeatedly by others that I am not her mother, so why should I be the one that gets the calls from the school because she refuses to do things? I shouldn't. You're correct.
Basically, for the next year, I am here but not here. I don't want to be stressed out every day anymore knowing that I'm going to end up getting in a fight with her at some point after work. I can't do this to myself anymore. And if I'm being honest, it's taking a toll on my marriage.
So that, my friends, is what our current situation is with Dawn.
Thanks for taking the time to read. If you have used Nacho Parenting before, please let me know your experience. Did it work for you?
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