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March 6, 2013

{Am I What?!}

2 weeks ago at church a woman came up to me and said she was sorry for embarassing me the week before. I asked if she meant when she asked if I was pregnant. She said, "no honey I just wanna know when you get pregnant cause you have another baby in your future." Stop. Wait. What?!?! I died a little inside right at that moment lol. Would I welcome another baby? Sure. Absolutely! But do I want another baby? No. No way. Hell no. So last week while D's grandma was attending church with us, I asked her if I look pregnant. She can almost always tell and she has been right about the sex of every baby so far. She said yes, that I look pregnant. Of course I figure I have a belly on me, I have for a while. But I never figured I was pregnant. Until they started bringing it up. *sigh* Naturally this had me a little freaked out. So I went and bought a couple pee sticks. I took one that Sunday, it was negative. Like big negative lol. So I breathed a sigh of relief and went on with my day. The next morning I took another (because everyone knows your morning pee is best when testing), still negative. Thank you lord! But now I've got baby on the brain. And every little ailment I come up with has me wondering, could I be pregnant? This afternoon I was sick. I had a headache and my back hurt and while I was taking a bath, I almost lost my lunch. My stomach still isn't as settled as I would like. I just keep telling myself, "you are not pregnant". This happens about every 5 years. I got baby fever really bad when G and the Drama Queen started school. And now that Little Boy is about to start school in the fall, I want another one lol. There are just so many things I want to do differently when it comes to a baby though! I want to breastfeed again, I miss it so much. I want to cloth diaper, baby wear, and I really really want a water birth! I had planned on one with Little Boy but I was induced and the tub wasn't available *sad face* *tear*.

I don't want more babies, I like the freedom I have right now, Little boy is finally old enough to do things on his own and he doesn't need me quite as much. But I still miss having a baby. It's a catch 22. Blah.

I'm rambling again. I'm sorry. I shall let ya'll go :)